I first met Corinne when she was 15.
Although a lot of people transform over decades and become unrecognizable, there are aspects of Corinne that have never changed. One of those is her invisible inner fortitude, so big in comparison to her tiny human body. You can see it in her while she's riding in the passenger side looking out the window. You can feel it, even over the phone flowing out of her as grace when she gives someone the benefit of the doubt, defends the voiceless, or forgives. The reason this hurts is because Corinne's body holds a spirit that wants only to love and to be loved. Every decision she makes can be traced back to that. Your decisions have consistently been made while you knew that they would deeply wound her. Your brain, to avoid the pain of dissonance, will find a million reasons to justify your decisions. Every decision counts. Even the decision to not say something or stop something. Do you remember Corinne's seemingly endless tenderness and capacity to forgive and empathize and love you, even after you broke up? You might have taken it for granted then, But I do not think that you will now. She forged those abilities after years of self healing. You did not break Corinne. Because - much like the Japanese practice of Kintsugi - she has a multitude of breaks, all repaired and filled in with gold. Gold she created herself. It may take longer than others, but eventually, You will be just another painful break that she will fill in. you will be just another name on the list of dishonest, undeserving people from whom she has learned lessons.
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May 2017
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